Happy Birthday, Veni
by Hacek
Summary: She came because that's just how she rolls. She saw because she owns a pair of these wonderful things called 'eyes.' She conquered because she is very awesome. Very, very awesome. This. Is. Veni. One-shot.


Once upon a merry time, there was a cat named Spiderstar, and she was very fat. No, I'm kidding. That was a joke because that is not true in the slightest. Spiderstar is not fat; rather, she is ridiculously sexy. Her well-groomed fur glimmers in the moonlight, its lusciousness attracting every male specimen that saw it, along with a few females and a hermaphroditic pigeon.

Since most Warriors fanfictions start off with the protagonist's birth, and I'm too uncreative to start anywhere more interesting, I think I'll begin there.

VVV

It was a time of fear. A gale of sadness swept through the hearts of every cat, and they shivered with the sheer force of the black, dark, gloomy darkness of doom. The sun didn't rise, leaving the world in a state of perpetual darkness. Food was scarce, and what could be consumed tasted like a dog's ass. Sometimes it was a dog's ass.

What was the reason for such a terrible world, you ask? Simply, the universe had a hole in its heart. A hole that needed to be filled.

A Veni-shaped hole.

Stumbling through the broken land, cutting her paws on the shards of glass that littered the streets, a she-cat scavenged for food to fill her empty belly that despite her lack of sustenance, was quite plump. Huh. Quite odd.

Oh yeah, she was pregnant. Time to give birth!

She sighed and hoped it wouldn't take too long. She had important things to do.

Settling down on the ground, the queen closed her eyes and clenched a stick in-between her teeth. She cleared the nearby ground of any glass or sharp objects, since she didn't want be hurt during the birthing.

Before she knew it, a brown and gold kit was plopped down beside her. The queen was quite befuddled. Since when were births like that? She shrugged, deciding it was probably the author of this story having no idea what real births were like.

She shrugged, thankful that she didn't have to go through the pain she was expecting, and started to lick her kit.

VVV

"She's the one!" cried an ancient StarClan warrior. "All evidence points to this kit! Look at Lecaticus 13:3 _And when the Cat of Browne and Golde cometh, the light shalt return to make the Worlde anew._ Or from Felineronomy 9:13 _The Spider of the Stars shalt rebuild the Clans once more._"

"But she's only a tiny little kit," mewed a second warrior.

"A very special kit. Her birth was like no other; it was like the mother just pooped her out! Far more elegant than any other birth I've witnessed. No, this cat will bring back the glory of the Clans! I will visit her in her dreams when she is ready."

VVV

Several moons had passed since Spider's birth. The world wasn't the ruins it used to be, but it was still pretty bad.

Spider looked at her sleeping mother. She had forbade her daughter from straying to far from her, but Spider itched with boredom. She wanted to see the world and to meet other cats. Her mother had passed out from drinking too much of the cat equivalent of alcohol, and now was the time for Spider to sneak out.

Spider donned her best sneaky pose, reminiscent of the greatest ninja, and slowly crept away from the snoring queen. When she could barely see her mother, Spider let out a yell of excitement.

"I'm the greatest cat to have ever lived!" she cried, and she started to do her flawless victory dance.

But as she continued her dance, she could hear a sniffle coming from her left. Spider turned around to investigate. Perhaps it was a piece of prey crying under the knowledge that it would be shortly slain by the mighty Spider!

When she arrived to the source of the noise, she saw, however, that it was a small cat who was sniffling.

"What's wrong?" asked Spider.

The cat looked up at Spider, surprised. "Well, I— I was trying to catch this mouse, but right when I was about to catch it, somebody screamed, and it r— ran away… Coqui."

"Why would somebody do that?" Spider asked. "They must be an idiot!"

"I— I don't know. Maybe they weren't in their right mind. They said something like 'I'm the greatest cat who ever lived,'" the little cat mewed. "I'm Frog. What's your name? Coqui."

"I'm Spider. And I, unlike that mouse-brain who chased off your prey, am the greatest cat to have ever lived!" Spider boasted, puffing her chest out.

Frog's eyes widened, and her voice was laced with glee. "You would do that for me? That's so nice! Coqui."

"One question before I go: why do you always say 'Coqui'?"

"Huh? What do I do? Coqui."

"Never mind."

VVV

Spider came back, a mouse dangling from her mouth. "I did it!" She dropped the mouse in front of Frog.

"Thank you so much, Spider! You're such a swell cat. Coqui."

Spider beamed. "Hey, do you want to be friends?"

"Sure. Coqui," Frog purred and was about to dig her face into the mouse when she realized the place it used to occupy was now empty. "Did you eat it already? Coquiiiiiiii…" she mewed sadly.

"No, _I_ didn't…" Spider whipped her head around until her gaze rested upon a golden cat trying to drag a mouse, a mere tail-length away.

"Hey!" Spider screamed. "That's my kill! NO ONE! TAKES MY PREY! AND GETS! AWAY! WITH IT!" She leapt onto the cat. They scuffled for a bit before Spider emerged victorious.

"If you steal my prey again, prepare to d—" Spider started.

"Hey, I'm Frog, and this is Spider. Do you want to be our friend too? Coqui."

"Okay! My name is Golden."

"Did I hear the word 'friends'?" came a new voice. The three turned around to see a terrifying creature standing before them. "My name is Wolf. I like rainbows!"

Spider felt Coqui trembling in fear beside her. Spider could barely keep her own nerves under control. This Wolf was just so scary.

"What do you want?" asked Golden. Spider could hear her trying to keep her voice from shaking in front of the newcomer.

"I want to make the world a happier place," he chirped. "Look what I can do!" Wolf opened his mouth wide, an out of it shot a rainbow.

"Whoa," said yet another new voice, this time with a sexy Australian accent. "That's groovy."

All four of them turned around to see a light brown cat, staring at a laptop.

"Have you been watching us this whole time?" Spider asked.

"No," said the cat. "I've been watching PewDiePie."

"I don't know who that is, but do you want to be friends? Coqui," Frog said.

"Alright. You can call me Leaf."

The five skipped merrily off into the sunset. Lalalala. While they were gone, a mysterious figure darted towards Leaf's laptop and stole it. How sad.

VVV

Millions of stars surrounded Spider. She didn't know where she was. Was this a dream? She nipped herself to find out.

"Not so fast, little one," she heard an old voice say. "I have something to tell you."

"I'm listening," said Spider.

"Long ago, these woods were inhabited by the four Clans. But disaster struck, and the Clans were wiped out. Completely annihilated. It seemed all trace of the Clans were gone, and they would never be rebuilt. Until now.

"You're our only hope, Spider. You may be young, but you have the mind of a leader. From now on, you are Spiderstar. By the powers of StarClan, I give you nine lives." He sighed. "You know, these used to be a lot grander, but I need to hurry. The author wants to upload this soon!

"Anywho, Spiderstar, take your deputy, Frogsong, your medicine cat, Leafbloom, and your warriors, Wolfblaze and Goldenpelt to the former ThunderClan camp. You will know where it is; I will guide you."

"Cool," said Spiderstar. "I'm going to be the greatest ThunderClan leader ever!"

"Oh no," said the cat. "You're not leading ThunderClan. You will be leading a new Clan, one that will rise from the ashes of the fallen four. You are...

"_LawlClan_."

VVV

"And that's how LawlClan was formed," Fawnflight said. Brightwing stared up at her with curious eyes.

"Is that really true?" asked Brightwing.

"Uh huh." Fawnflight grinned. "Now go to sleep. There's a long day full of nupages ahead of you."

"But I want to hear more!" Brightwing cried. "More, more, more!"

"Fine," said Fawnflight, sighing. "One more."

VVV

LawlClan was thriving. New cats were joining left and right.

Spiderstar walked through camp, smiling at her Clanmates. She remembered her first day. Never had she imagined it would grow to be so large, so great.

She was too busy reminiscing to notice the table leg in front of her, and she smacked into it quite hard. "Oof." She closed her eyes, trying to will away the pain. When she opened her eyes again, she was staring into another cat's, who had peered up from its laptop.

"Uh, who are you?" Spiderstar asked. The cat didn't answer.

"Spiderstar, are you okay?" asked Leafblossom, running up to her leader. "You ran into that table, and you're bleeding from your head." She then noticed the other cat and its prized possession. "Wait, is that my laptop that got stolen? You mean you took Pewds away from me? How could you!"

The cat hissed at them. "Me like laptop. Laptop love me like I love table scrap. Mmm."

VVV

"I was trained by that silly little Dawnhat," Fawnflight said, lost in her memories. Brightwing giggled.

"What's so funny?" Fawnflight asked.

"You fell right into my trap!" Brightwing said. "You're such a foolish little mentor!"

"Huh?"

"While you were busy talking, I just stole the nupage!"

Fawnflight could do nothing but stare for a few minutes. Then, she said, "Dang you to heck."

Brightwing laughed maniacally.

"No," Fawnflight cried, staring up into the sky. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_End Scene_

**Happy Birthday, Veni! I hope you enjoyed this little on-shot I wrote you. **

**Thank you so much for being my friend, and thank you so much for creating LawlClan. **


End file.
